Starting Over

Geez Louise!!! time for an update, and to come clean about my progress :)

Just about Christmas-time, I jumped off the South Beach Diet Wagon . . . as it was on a bridge over a river. I swam downstream until I was several miles away before getting out and I didn't look back. I'd made it to 154 pounds or something from 162 in the two weeks before Thanksgiving. Without any bathroom scale evidence I believe I gained it all back by New Year. Dieting over the holidays requires a lot of self discipline. I felt at that time like I either needed to stick to the diet every day, or give myself permission not to, and relinquish any and all guilt for giving myself that permission. (I think this first picture was taken in November after some of my first results were reached, before jumping off the wagon).

In hind-sight, it feels really good to see that it takes less time to lose 10 pounds than it does to gain it back, but there's a slippery slope involved. There came a time when I could no longer feel my blood-pressure elevate. Once that happened it was only a brief matter of time until I was no longer monitoring what, or how much of it I was eating.

I decided I would start over at Phase 1 as soon as Little B was back with his mom in Colorado Springs. Then it was going to be as soon as about $100 worth of groceries that South Beach would call "bad" were gone - I just don't have the money to throw it away. Then it was going to be . . . guilt started adding up. One day a co-worker and I got on the subject and he told me that he would do it with me to be my support and to take advantage of the same kind of results he'd seen in me the first time around. The moral of this story is just get on with it dammit!!!

I've sort-of stopped keeping track of where in the diet I am, but I started-over something like 4 or 5 weeks ago. My weight is down to 144 to 146 pounds and has been since last week. I haven't weighed this "little" since junior high and most of high school!!! My goal is to get to 135 before my birthday on April 20.

According to the South Beach Diet, if I'm not still losing a pound or two per week on Phase 2, I'm eating too much sugar. It's definitely the case that I'm floating instead of losing. I've done some pretty serious self reflection and I've made some decisions . . .

(This second photograph was taken yesterday before a haircut. Notice compared to the previous one how slender my face looks around my jawline) I think that South Beach is a phenomenal program. I'm in a little bit in disbelief. My clothes fit great, my skin is getting clearer and clearer every day. I want to just say "Eff SB" and make my own commitments. I feel like I understand what my body needs and wants. But I also feel like it will be safer to follow the guidelines. Once I hit that 135, I will be comfortable making my own rules if I can maintain that weight. 16 - 18 pounds!!!!

So I'm going to follow the guidelines of phase 2, but this week I'm going to avoid any baked goods that I didn't make for myself (including crackers and even the Spelt bread that I'm liking so much) to see what kind of impact that has. I feel like they are what has slowed me down. I'm also going to limit myself to 2 servings of fruit per day, one cup of brown or wild rice or whole wheat pasta per meal per day, and increase my dairy intake. No potato, no more than one sweet potato per week, no corn, peas sparingly. I'm going to add some nuts to the mix and increase my water intake . . . and here's the hard one - get some effing exercise because while I am losing weight without exercise, it would feel so much better!!

I also feel like I am now the only person holding me accountable - and that makes it easy to "break the rules". I hate feeling guilty for it later - HATE feeling guilty. I'm committing this morning to stick with it. I want a bikini body . . . and I feel like I can have it. Thankfully mine doesn't look like any VS models, just like a healthy woman who isn't carrying any extra weight around. I hope my boobs don't disappear or get droopy.

I can see the changes on my body and so far, the "saddle bags" on the outer/back side of my thighs are smaller. The lumps of "chubby" on my hips are less, I think my hips will have a smooth line at 135 pounds. The little pooch on my belly is shrinking. My inner thighs are smaller too, and the chubby on my upper arms is something I haven't even noticed for a while - perhaps it is gone.

I don't want to advocate for "Lose weight to improve your self worth". I want to advocate for eating in the way that is best for your body. It's eating in a way my body really responds to that makes me feel good - the weight loss is a bonus for knowing that if I stick with it, I won't develop diabetes. I'm not too worried about the other symptoms of PCOS and my family history. I feel that if I can avoid adult onset diabetes, I will be healthy for the rest of my life. How's that for feeling good?

I took this third picture last night before going to bed. Like my new haircut?

Happy Red Hearts Day! I intend, this evening, to eat some nibbles of dark chocolate (70%) made from beans grown in Guatemala. I suspect it will go perfectly with my sweetheart, some perfectly ripe strawberries, and my favorite Champagne (Francis Coppola's "Sophia"). For the record, my bathroom scale and I are great friends.